How to Fall in Love (with yourself)
The journey to self love is ongoing.
There’s no follow this strategy, take this action, BAM, I love myself, the end.
(Oh wouldn’t that be easy)
It takes time, practice and persistence to fall in love with yourself.
But what does self love actually mean Rebecca?
When I talk about being in love with yourself, I mean:
• Trusting yourself wholeheartedly
• Making the decisions that support the life you want to live
• Not allowing other people’s judgment to impact your thoughts
• Putting yourself and your needs first
• Listening to what you need and doing that
• Ignoring outside noise and focusing on what works for you
• Not comparing yourself, your partner, your business to other people(s)
• Feeling happy in your own skin
• Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and smile
• Feeling confident in the clothes you wear
• Filling your mind with positive comments and self congratulations
• Knowing that you can achieve anything you put your mind to
So how do we fall in love with ourselves?
Step 1: We have to decide to.
Until we make the decision that no matter what, we’re gonna try our hardest to love ourselves, it’s pretty impossible. So right now, I want you to make a commitment. Not to me, not to your partner, not to your bestie. I want you to make a commitment to yourself that no matter how difficult it is, no matter how much time it takes, no matter what the negative, critical voice in your head says, you’re gonna make it your mission to love yourself unconditionally. When you fuck up, when you feel bad, when something goes wrong, when you can’t get your jeans done up cuz your period is due - you’re gonna love yourself.
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Step 2: Set aside some ‘me time’.
This is time that is just for you to do whatever you want - read, sing, dance, nap, netflix, bath, meditate, walk - whatever YOU want. I like my ‘me time’ to be first thing in the morning. I meditate using the Headspace app and drink a cup of tea whilst I read a self development book. Sometimes it’s 20 minutes, sometimes it’s 40 minutes. The length of time isn’t important. What’s important is that by setting aside that time for yourself, you’re telling your subconscious that you deserve to focus on yourself + what you love.
Step 3: Ask yourself “What do I need right now?”
We’re all guilty of asking what other people want and need but when was the last time you asked yourself what you needed? Something as simple as asking yourself this question again reinforces the fact you’re important to yourself. I find this works really well when I’m having a stressful day or feeling particularly anxious. Once you’ve asked yourself what you need, go and do that thing.
Step 4: You are what you listen to.
If you’re constantly surrounded by negativity - people complaining, criticising themselves, judging others - you’ll be sucked into doing the same and that’ll have an affect on your own thoughts. Try to surround yourself with positivity and listen to things that make you feel good. I have a list of my favourite audiobooks here.
Step 5: Make an effort.
In order to love yourself, you need to feel good about yourself. If you throw on a tracksuit and scrape your hair up because you’re “only going to Tesco”, throughout that trip you’re gonna feel self conscious and unattractive - unless of course tracksuits are your thing (no judgement). When we start to make an effort - applying a little makeup or wearing something that makes us feel good - we’re subconsciously saying “I’m worth making the effort for” and that, my dear, leads to feeling worthy which, you guessed it, leads to loving yourself.
Step 6: Tune into your thoughts.
As women, we’re programmed to criticise our bodies, judge our abilities and generally just put ourselves down. The key thing here is to recognise those thoughts and make a conscious effort to change them. As soon as you catch yourself saying something negative, interrupt that thought and replace it with a positive one. “My legs are so fat” >>>> “I’m so grateful for my strong legs as they allow me to walk”.
Step 7: Tell yourself you love yourself over and over and over again.
Ah, the power of affirmations. The more you tell yourself something, the more you begin to believe it. You haven’t always believed you’re not good enough have you? Over time, you’ve had a boyfriend cheat on you, a parent abandon you, a snide comment thrown your way or some other event that wasn’t your fault that’s led to you feeling like you’re not good enough.
But darling, you are. YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. If you remember one thing from this article, for god’s sake let it be that. Now, just as you’ve spent time telling yourself you’re not good enough/not pretty enough/not skinny enough/not smart enough, you’re gonna start repeating “I love myself” 100 times a day (minimum).
I want to tell you something so you don’t think I’m just preaching at you.
About 18 months ago, I didn’t love myself.
I liked myself some days but I didn’t love myself.
I was working so many hours in my business, I wasn’t looking after myself.
Because I wasn’t looking after myself, my anxiety was bad again and I felt stressed everyday.
Anxiety and stress lead to arguments with Tom (my bf).
Arguments with Tom lead to me feeling like shit about myself.
“Why does he want to be with me?”
“He’ll replace me soon.”
“I’m such an arsehole, he deserves better.”
“I’m not good enough.”
After (another) break down on the kitchen floor and Tom telling me it was my own fault for not looking after myself, I vowed to do whatever it took to love myself and put myself first.
Tom and I are now in the best place we’ve ever been (despite living on opposite sides of the world), I’m a thousand times happier in my business, I have more energy, more confidence, I smile more.
Things are just a damn sight better when you love yourself.
I want you to know it’s possible to fall head over heels in love (with yourself).
It was possible for me.
It’s possible for you.
You just need to take action.
And you can start by following the 7 steps above.
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Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, founder of The Become Your Best Self Club and co-author of #1 international bestseller She Is Unstoppable.
She’s gone from being too afraid to leave the house to quitting her job, traveling solo and starting two online businesses.
Now, Rebecca’s on a mission to inspire, empower and support others to increase their confidence so they can live the life of their dreams.